Six years ago I lost a writing contest whose first prize was an internship at British Elle; if I’d won, my whole life would have been different and maybe by now I would be apprenticing with E. Jean, the awesome advice columnist of American Elle.  I will try to overcome my bitterness about this and give them an honest review.

But first a gripe with all the lady magazines I have read recently.  They all start with glowing letters to the editors to the effect of: Dear Elle, Smart, classy, successful women of my generation love reading about politics along with their hemlines.  Please include lots of breathy interviews with Barack Obama and cooing about world peace and the environment with your important journalism about lipstick and new diet pills.  I would like to go on the record now as totally disagreeing with that sentiment.  I like fashion magazines to talk about fashion and maybe also makeup.  I like to read newspapers and news magazines for information about the world, and I do not care who the fashion people think I should vote for; I care what bag they think I should carry.

OK, back to clothes.  It looks like there are still lots of trapeze dresses and tennis skirts and trouser-cut pants, which I think would look so smashing with a big green ankle cast.  They have been endorsing the trouser-cut jeans for long enough that I might buy some and give The Chief’s jeans a break because it looks like trouser-cut jeans would fit over my cast.

There was an inspirational article where a woman in her 30s who had never worn makeup before learned to put on makeup.  Should I learn to wear makeup?  I think I probably should, although there is a limit to how much time I feel like primping while standing on one leg.  In six to eight weeks, I plan on giving those makeup tips a try.

As usual, we are all going to be wearing sailor clothes, trench coats, safari clothes, and retro preppie clothes this spring.  Do I ever wear anything else, though?  So maybe I will be fashionable.  Also, we are going to have big wavy hair (this is good for me) and we are still having the big thick eyebrows (good for me and all other lazy people).  Also, red lipstick which I adore and must learn how to apply when I get my makeup tutorial in six to eight weeks.

Other highlights: gold lame stella mcartney trapeze dress on p. 226 (brilliant), interview with marc jacobs, a really pretty new guess model (rip, anna nicole smith), ads for pretty chloe party dresses, and really cute two-tone tod’s ballet flats with driving loafer soles.  Also, millions of dresses that look like tennis dresses.  (Must learn to play tennis, along with wearing makeup, when I get my legs back.)

In short: clothes good, dumb articles and about politics bad.  Perhaps I am just less intellectual than Elle’s target audience, esp. the ones who read the numerology column.